Dual....:-)
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
