I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
