That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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