I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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