Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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