before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
