White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
