my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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