So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
