one two three fourrrrnication!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
