She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
