she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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