Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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