Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
