we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
