can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
