Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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