I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
