so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
