I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
