You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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