Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
