he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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