I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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