Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Found the puke drawer
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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