I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
