would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
