Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
