omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
