I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
