Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize