He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
