the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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