I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You've changed since you got that strap on
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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