I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
