Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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