I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
