And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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