I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
