we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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