mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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