I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
