2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is wine microwaveable?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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