honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My hand turned me down
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
