She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
