I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
