We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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