He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
