Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
