I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
