I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
