Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
