i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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