I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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