I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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