I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
