I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We got so high we made milksteak
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
