I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
