Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
