I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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