I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
