I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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