her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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