totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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