One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
