so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
