It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
