I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
