you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
