Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
