he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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