So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
