last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
