Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
