I am puke
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
