Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
