broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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