He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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