Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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