So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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